My wife admitted to wanting to divorce before moving to Our current home 6 years ago. She wished she had divorced me prior to moving because of me being mad at her over finance mistakes she had made over ignoring finances.We discussed years earlier that we were more than tied with marriage but with the business and until the business was gone we could not truly divorce.
The house in new house was already commissioned to be built to hold us and the 1200 sq ft warehouse we had for the business in the new basement of our house. It would save money in the business and so the move proceeded. My wife admits to crying daily for months after the move. It was not until 5 years later she ever said she finally feel like this was home. She admits she loved the Old house best and state it was in house most of all and was happy there. I suspect she wished she could have divorced then and gone for the house then and had cash from my inheritance. I inherited a very large sum of money which was lost leaving the state and house we had as well as clearing out debts. She could have been and been done with me back then.
She is upset about her lost opportunity and proceeds to do as little as possible to ensure the shutdown of the business. Its demise means freedom for herself. I however have vowed divorce was not a answer when we were married by her request as a secondary marriage vow. She never made the agreement in return. She releases me from this obligation in hopes of obtaining a divorce. I threaten that bankruptcy would be a sure reason for divorce for me.
To her disappointment I did not file for divorce when we were forced into bankruptcy when the business failed. However I had requested repeatedly for her to get sinuses checked. She claims fear of surgery prevented her from even researching it. I in frustration began sleeping in basement to sleep at night. I found the ability to sleep at night in quiet and continued to sleep downstairs in the unfinished basement. Initially it was only after she fell asleep and we still had time together.
Disorder in her housekeeping, regular business travel to Oregon and jealousy over friends were points of conflict. It was leading me to sleep regularly in the basement and stop spending evenings together before bed. Divorce was not discussed until after My wife stated that she “thinks there is no long time hope for marriage” and asks what I really think. My response was to agree. That gave her hope that divorce is feasible and within reach which she has wanted since we moved.
She held out on divorce talk because of tax issues that needed to be resolved which she would be liable for. She held out until the last of the tax issues are resolved almost 2 years later. She plans her divorce filing to coincide with the last tax payment I would be making. During this time none of her wages from work were asked to be used for family expenses.
As her day approached to freedom she worked on her future life objectives. She has proceeded with surgery for her sinuses. This is years of her planning coming to fruition. She claims to have to leave me because she loves me so much and does not want to get her hopes up again. But is seem contradictory to love someone so much but not willing to help them sleep by seeing a doctor. She is very messy in her personal space. She loved me so much as to not willing to try to clean up after herself. She loved me so much that when asked if I would miss anything after a divorce and she could not answer that I would. If I would miss anything that it clearly that she tried very little to influence my life. I know I will miss the money I could have spent on my children that will have to go to support her new home.
The divorce is what she has plotted for for years. Taking every benefit she can along the way and deliberately making sure she did not encourage the marriage to get better while keeping up appearances of a civil marriage. She can without conscience or even a filing for divorce talk about her new home she is shopping for, buy furniture and appliances for her new house and take the children on trips to shop for a house and furnishings. She has even asked for my help to move the items purchased into the basement. I do not see much difference from that and dating for a new spouse and brining the new person home to meet the family.
We tried marriage counseling right after the bankruptcy. From marriage counseling I got an apology for what she had done bar all those years in the marriage and how she was not a good wife. However, apologies with no actual change in behavior are strategic moves to lead me on until the time was right to file HER divorce.
I am sick and tired of being taken for the fool. I have been led along for years and picked up any slack in household chores and maintenance, always seeing to things that needed my care. I had not given up on the marriage, though late January 2016 She admits she gave up on this marriage. She admitted to giving up on the business, she admitted to a whole host of bad behavior and admitted s to her passive aggressiveness. But most important she admitted to giving up on me.
Now to be fair; I have to semi that 10 years ago I had some gay encounters with other men. I had fully disclosed this to my wife when she saw an questionable email. We had recently at that time had our 4th child and I had already felt very deserted by her in the relationship. We had had our issues throughout the marriage. I began to realize that that time that the only reason a woman marries it to get financial support for HER children. Women only want money, a worker to care for her home and a sperm donor. I had been relegated to just that. However my state had then further been reduced to her being suspicious of me having any friends male or female.
For over 13 years I have stuck around when I have felt un appreciated, un loved and used only to get what she wanted. I was only a means to her end which was to have her kids. She wanted only them, never me. I was the vehicle for her goals. This was recently revealed to me when she demanded the $2500 a month she needed to support her in her own home after the divorce. When challenged she reveals her real motive. “Then I will go for full custody”. She never wanted me around even the last 10 years. I was to be the work horse for her ambitions. She did not leave me then, because she saw a man willing to continue to be the slave for her needs. I was a good asset still. However when the economy turned bad, business went sour and her home went on the market for sale. She then realized she should break the ties. However she was sunk in debt and trapped. Had she only left earlier.
My suspicions were confirmed last fall when I was asked to read a blog about a gay man who had a healthy relationship with his wife and a family. She was required to read this blog as part of a family class she was taking. I read his blog and my wife asked me if I thought that that was true and possible to have a healthy relationship with a money even if a man saw men as attractive. I agreed a man could and that we could. She confirmed that she had given up years ago because others kept telling her it was not possible. My suspicions were confirmed that she had given up on me and had been looking for an escape a decade earlier. Using me until I could be disposed of was her plan all along. If I had been loved at all there would be evidence of that. If I had been disabled who knows if things would have been any different except society frowns on a wife leaving a disabled spouse. However if your spouse is gay Christian people are the quickest to cast them aside and to virtually stone them to death. The funny thing about so called Christianity is that Christians use Judaism to justify their bad behavior just as the Jew used it to crucify Jesus Christ himself to which they choose to ignore his actual teachings. That leaves most Christians to be just half baked Jews who felt their messiah came and failed since they really don’t want to believe christs teachings and that he came to do away with the old law. They hold to the old law when it suits them.
I have been duped for years and finally figured it out. Really it was quite elementary deductions I had missed all those years.