Monthly Archives: March 2016

The Dreaded Mother In Law

Last night I had a long chat with my wife discussing our prior moves for work and homes and recalling why we moved and what we recall were our motives.  The biggest question why why we recall our first move away from both of our families to Oregon where we had no family and begin a trend of 20 years distanced from family.

I myself only had cousins and a brother in the area we were married though her family was all in Utah.  I recalled the possible job opportunity that made us look at Oregon and how we both thought it pretty an a good place.  I mainly recall how I thought it was important for my Wife to get away from her controlling and manipulative mother for her own mental benefit.  Her mother was never pleased with my wife growing up and my wife would weekly have us spend the weekend in her small hometown and she would clean her moms house and what seemed like seek her mothers constant approval. My wife recalled that she new I wanted to get her away from her mother in law.

Every year almost a trek back to her hometown to visit was made and this was fine though I would never put my family as a priority.  Over the years I felt like my family never cared for me since they never reached out to me. To be fair I had not done much in return.  7 years ago when we started planning our departure from Oregon we were considering lots of placed to relocate.  I offered my wife the opportunity to move back to Utah.  I was serious and he said no because “I don’t want to live that close to my mother”.  I knew my wife had gained independence. She was finally able to stand up to her mother when she needed to and I was happy for her.  This however showed me that distance was needed to maintain that strength.  Utah was no longer considered as an option which led us 2 states away in another direction.

As I contemplate where I may live in the future, I have reconnected with my family and miss that I have no connections. I thought of moving back near them and wanted to recount why I did not sooner.  I asked my wife last night why she did not want to move to Utah and got a different response.  She said they she thought I was asking just to humor her and that I asked only knowing she would say no.  She said that our marriage would have ended sooner had we moved near her mother due to the animosity her and I have have towards each other.  This came as a surprise.  I know I don’t like her but I have never had a fight or disagreement with her in person.  I have though her selfish, unfeeling and mean against my wife and told my kids and wife when I saw injustices occurring against our family.  Though I don’t like her I never would have considered it animosity.  This means that her comment is what her MOTHER feels about me.  If animosity would have caused the end of the divorce then it is her mothers animosity that would have ended the marriage.

The sheer thought that it is her mothers proximity that would have caused and end of our marriage PROVES that her mother has been an evil and negative force in her life. I can rest my mind knowing what I suspected all long that it was her mother that was divorcing me.  Her mother divorced my wife father in her teens and was such a bitch that her parents could never be in the same room together.  One of my wife brothers left their own wedding without notice to avoid the parents fighting and another eloped.  This women over the years has seemingly calmed down but the reality has been fueling the fires in my wife to take advantage of me and get what she wants.  This entitled attitude and selfishness to get what they want without concern for the children or the family as a whole is why women suck.  This is a growing attitude and fostered and spread like a disease by women to the next generation and the grapevine of women social outlets.

In retrospect I wish I had never left where we were living.  The demise of our marriage would have come quickly and most likely before 4 children were born had we stayed.  If the Mother in Law was destined from the beginning to destroy he marriage then it should have best happened fast and early.  I at least would have had family support and not lost so many years of my life tying to salvage a doomed relationship from the start.  I have lived the typical Ball and chain marriage carrying the ball of depressed selfish wife jealous of everything she did not have and unhappy to an end to which I could not solve for her.

Surprise: You cannot pay for a lawyer – Marriage insurance

I was served my divorce papers by my wife.  I was fortunate to have had some clients pre-pay for some which gave me some extra money.  Usually I would never have much extra money.  For 20 years of marriage I have been the sole provider and even with my wife having a full time job. I have not asked her to pay for the basic expenses of the house.  She only had to pay for her gas to get to work.  She used to manage the family and business finances and knew how hard I work for what we had.  Yet she was never satisfied and hated having to work with me over spending.  I thought letting her have her own money would make her happy.

My wife plotting divorce and how to take advantage of me has come to a head.  Her filling was somewhat of a surprise.  I knew she was taking a divorce class from a local church and talked to a lawyer.  I knew she had lied to her Dad about our family finances claiming I was not paying for the basics to get him to give her money for divorce.  I did not know how much money he gave her or how much the a lawyer was going to cost.  When I was served the divorce papers and had to have a lawyer respond to the papers and demands I learned that the base amount as $5000 for a contested divorce and $2000 each time it goes to court.  I was lucky that the lawyer I picked would take half down and payments for the next few months for the balance.

It occurred to me when I recalled earlier conversations with my wife asking if she would warn me before hand when she planned on filing for divorce so I could prepare myself.  She had refused to offer me a warning when I asked.  I persisted on asking for a warning and she agreed she would do what she could.  This came as a bit of a surprise since divorce had been on the table now for years.  What really surprised me about the cost was that she had gotten $7000 from her father and yet she left me unprepared.  I kept paying the bills for everything.  She kept keeping her wages and I was the one left unprepared to pay a lawyer.  I am convinced that the lack of notification was fully planned to make sure I could not hire a lawyer or a very good one at the least.  My family now has to lose benefits and I have to work harder to come up with the money for a lawyer to fight her unreasonable demands of wanting to walk away with only half custody of the kids, her whole paycheck and 40% of my paycheck.

I am hurt that she planned to have me unprepared. Any couple who marries should have a reserve fund started the day they are married for the divorce money they may need to end the marriage they just begun.  It should be like marriage insurance which has a monthly payment and held in trust as insurance the marriage will fail.