Surprise: You cannot pay for a lawyer – Marriage insurance

I was served my divorce papers by my wife.  I was fortunate to have had some clients pre-pay for some which gave me some extra money.  Usually I would never have much extra money.  For 20 years of marriage I have been the sole provider and even with my wife having a full time job. I have not asked her to pay for the basic expenses of the house.  She only had to pay for her gas to get to work.  She used to manage the family and business finances and knew how hard I work for what we had.  Yet she was never satisfied and hated having to work with me over spending.  I thought letting her have her own money would make her happy.

My wife plotting divorce and how to take advantage of me has come to a head.  Her filling was somewhat of a surprise.  I knew she was taking a divorce class from a local church and talked to a lawyer.  I knew she had lied to her Dad about our family finances claiming I was not paying for the basics to get him to give her money for divorce.  I did not know how much money he gave her or how much the a lawyer was going to cost.  When I was served the divorce papers and had to have a lawyer respond to the papers and demands I learned that the base amount as $5000 for a contested divorce and $2000 each time it goes to court.  I was lucky that the lawyer I picked would take half down and payments for the next few months for the balance.

It occurred to me when I recalled earlier conversations with my wife asking if she would warn me before hand when she planned on filing for divorce so I could prepare myself.  She had refused to offer me a warning when I asked.  I persisted on asking for a warning and she agreed she would do what she could.  This came as a bit of a surprise since divorce had been on the table now for years.  What really surprised me about the cost was that she had gotten $7000 from her father and yet she left me unprepared.  I kept paying the bills for everything.  She kept keeping her wages and I was the one left unprepared to pay a lawyer.  I am convinced that the lack of notification was fully planned to make sure I could not hire a lawyer or a very good one at the least.  My family now has to lose benefits and I have to work harder to come up with the money for a lawyer to fight her unreasonable demands of wanting to walk away with only half custody of the kids, her whole paycheck and 40% of my paycheck.

I am hurt that she planned to have me unprepared. Any couple who marries should have a reserve fund started the day they are married for the divorce money they may need to end the marriage they just begun.  It should be like marriage insurance which has a monthly payment and held in trust as insurance the marriage will fail.

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