Thank you for not playing mind games

Thank you for not playing mind games was a compliment I received from my Ex! It has been 7months since the divorce was final and 1.5 months since she moved out to her own home and we have spoken little since then.  I have avoided her like the plague and think very poorly of her.  I have tried hard to keep my thoughts to myself and not let the kids know how I feel their mother is the slime ball of the world and a low life for how she has treated me.  I was taken back by her compliment. She said she had a friend who is going through divorce and her husband played mind games with her.  Told her how things could work out and he loved her only to get sex yet not really have his heart in their relationship.  My Thank you was because of how I was honest and did not play those kind of mind games with her.

I kept as quiet as I could.  Simply told her that she knew I was honest to a fault and of course I was honest.  I am writing this at 3 AM the next morning thinking of this encounter with her. Pondering why it was so easy to be honest.  It became very apparent to me.  She made it so easy.  She was so filthy when at the house, such a pig, in capable of cleaning up after herself, self absorbed in herself, selfish to the core.  Her negligence to me and the kids, her blatant ability to take help from others without guilt and be as lazy as possible. How accepting of others effort for her sake while she sat on her butt and watched TV, sulked and was inefficient.  She made the choice a clear and easy one.  Who as a husband would have decided anything else.  She was hideous physically to look at and did not care for hr appearance. She cleanliness in her home was bad and unappealing. What did she offer to make me want anything else but to get away from her.  How could she have thought that she could be wanted.  I do not know this mystery friend but I think I know who it is.  I think it may be a common friend we share.  If it who I think it is.  Then this women is a beautiful women who is just self absorbed with herself.  A person who has some attractive qualities would make a husband question his desire for someone with qualities of interest.  Yes her husband may be his priorities mixed up when she abuses him yet attracts him at the same time.  It is hard to leave your beautiful slayer who had bewitch you into loving her yet hurt you at the same time.  I never had this issue.

I can never think of a single quality my wife possesses. When she asked me if I thought our marriage had any hope over a year ago before she filed for divorce.  I could not think of a SINGLE thing she did for me.  Could not fathom any benefit she created in my life.  I have since learned that the only benefit she had was to not drain me financially post divorce by her greed.  A quality which she still did not have but was a benefit I received prior to divorce.  I have yet to miss her in any way. When I have to go out of town and the kids must stay with her, I suppose $250 a day in baby sitting cost for the 2 kids she watches is high and over minimum wage and over babysitting rates.  A nanny in my own home would be cheaper and likely be more engaging with the kids.

The more I think of it. I truly cannot think of a single think she adds to my life and this has been how it was for many years.  Of course it was easy to be honest and not play mind games.  I want to compliment her on the next conversation and offer the praise back to her. I want her to know that it is all to her own credit that I was honest and straight forward.  She deserved all the honesty she got.  She was so horribly bad that of course I never offered her a shred of hope back.  It was easy for her to handle and know it was over because of her own doing.  How bad of me to think I had any credit for this.  When someone is as her, it makes a decision easy. After all is said and done. I still cannot miss her. I cannot imagine having her back. I am blessed to have her out of my life.

Right after she moved out, I had a lot of work to earn the needed money to pay the high support payments I owe her.  I was gone from my home for 3.5 weeks straight.  My 20 yr old son lived in the home alone during that time.  His 2 younger siblings would be there for 3-4 hrs a day after school having snacks an hanging out.  One sibling in the morning would have breakfast before school daily.  With all these young kids; one may think the house would have gotten in bad shape.  3 young children wth no older adult looking after things.  WOW was I shocked when I came home. Yes the counter need wiping. Yes the house had not been dusted but there was no pile of dishes.  No casserole dishes covered in caked on food, no cookie trays soaking, no stack of dishes filling both sides of the sink.  Just counters needing wiped and a floor that could be swept.  Nothing bad. But WOW, it was so much better than the times I came home and the Ex-wife had been there. The children were world better than her.  There were no stacks of laundry, the Master bathroom was clean as I left it.  The toilets cleaner than ever. WOW; with a women gone from the house men can finally realize how much a vagina makes a disaster of a toilet.  Women want to blame men for leaving the seat up but holy cow can a women make the most disgusting of messes in a toilet.  No red and black streaks in the toilet to clean off, no scum in the shower. No nest of wadded hair on the shower walls, no white coating from the powder she used to use in copious amounts everywhere. No trash on the counters, no trash by the places she sat. No plastic bag hanging from drawer knobs since was too lazy to walk to the trash can, No trash on top of the counter instead of the trash bag on the knob because she is too lazy to put the trash in a sack.

Everything was as I had left things. Yes there were things out of place, some messes and unfinished projects from moving back in after she left.  But I was shocked at how things could stay the same in 3.5 weeks. You may be thinking somehow the kids cleaned, the 20 yr old son must have made a big clean up for Dad before he returned!  No. he had just cleaned up after himself. He had even forgotten to dump the household trash each week. Yet the house did not stink and the messes were so easily contained.  Could it be that 1 person really could be that bad. The refrigerator was still clean except the milk container shelf needed wiping.  I could still see the glass of the shelves in the fridge.  There was no rotted food in the drawers or left over containers molding in the fridge. Life had truly gotten better by her departure. And here I am being thanked.  I get the credit for being honest and not giving her false hopes that there was something left in the marriage to stay for, She made it so easy. It will take more time I suppose until real life kicks in for her. For her to realize what benefits I may have been in her life.  She talked of how she if fighting the home warranty people to get the A/C fixed and how costly it is to fix. She learned how costly it is to have drains fixed when the house was not draining right. She had only be gone 1.5 months. She has only begun to try out home ownership herself. She is only begin to find out what freedom is. I can only hope she can see I was a benefit only to vindicate me when she sees what she had and lost. But in no way would I want it any other way.

In after thought, I have tried to think of the intangible things I miss of her. A smile, hug, thank you or a feeling of desire or appreciation.  But none can be missed when never offered and received. You cannot miss a black hole.  You can only appreciate the life that is not been sucked away.

This woman sucks so bad, I can never miss her. Hell even if she was good at 1 thing that benefited me, it would have been something.  This is why I think women suck.

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