Monthly Archives: September 2018

Dealing with Women – General Comment/Observations

I have since my divorce had a hard time re-connecting to women on almost any level.  It started with a mother who I felt did not connect with me and I grew up not relating well to women or as some men are totally enthralled with their breasts and need their validation.  Instead I learned to be independent enough to be free of the constraints which would have otherwise made me feed on the abuse that is womanhood they dish out to men.  The wife of 20+ years only fueled my theories and the women I dated since.  I am happy to have an independence and a more healthy need to connect with an equal. Yes I am choosing a man to fill that companionship. I can treat a man as an equal in so many ways yet we can be support for each other.  I know the scenarios I propose in my articles are unique to me and that the role reversal can flip genders.  However the main aspect that women are more emotional by nature is fairly constant and that they use and learn how to manipulate emotionally because of it.  This is a hardship to men as they tend to be logical and can be gullible when emotions are on the line. I believe women learn this through society and use it to their advantage.  As men grow out of their need for a woman and society stops pushing men into marriage as has already occurred, women are going to left fighting for a place in society on a new playing field. Disadvantaged by their emotions and finding less who can be manipulated by their tactics.  This is an area where the Gay men of the world can help our straight friends learn to thwart their manipulative partners.

As I travel and see families with their children, all too often I see the dad on adventure outings on top of things, often alone without mom but if mom is present she is barely present.  This frustrates me as I see these women who would rather be getting their nails done then being a participant in the family.  Yes I see some great moms too, on top of things and an active participant but it is so rare. I can see why families are falling apart as more and more women take the entitled role and focus more on themself.  Not here is a lashing to the gay men who do the same.  Yes they too can be as guilty as the women. Becoming totally self absorbed and not living a life learning what it is like to serve others such as a dedicated mother and father would. Now not everyone fits this scenario but these are generalizations that can fit a general populous.

So your son is gay and you are mormon?

I was asked if I could talk to a Mormon dad dealing with this news from his son. This was my long text reply of Yes, I would talk to him.  I am adding it here because it may be helpful to others.

I have felt that I can be mormon in some ways but not fully. I found through my struggles that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is in the church but the church itself is not the gospel of christ but a man made program to help people progress to being better christlike people. If we stay focused on loving all and forgiving all then we are on the right path. You can be gay and christlike. Sexuality is not the key but how you love.

The gay culture can be selfish and base. Very un christ like. The decision is to be happy. God said that man is to have joy. Driving young men to suicide definitely is the wrong path, the road to continually promiscuity is not good either. I believe there is a middle road. The church likely will never accept anything less than abstinence but that puts the whole focus on sex. Relationships are not about sex. Relationships are bigger than the bedroom. Ask any straight guy staying married without sex why. Its about love.

I am a Mormon who knew I was gay at 8 yrs old. Never acted sexually with anyone till 25 and that was after a temple marriage and with wife. No contact with men till 35. I was an avid churchgoer, tithe paying mormon till 36. I am from a family of 8. My family now knows my orientation and I do not feel rejected but i don’t throw it in their face either.

I came to terms first I had to love me. We are taught god loves us but when you do not love yourself. You cannot process that a god or anyone can love you. Until we can accept ourselves we will dip into self demeaning behavior, hate ourselves and risk never finding acceptance. No amount of abstinence fixes the self loathing. It is aggravated by the church and its people. That is why we pull away from it.

Everyone needs love, intimacy. It is a basic human need. Deprivation is not good for anyone.  I am not the fairy gay dad but the guy who can attend church and blend in and know the gospel well, the people and the culture well. I think it may help to chat.

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