So your son is gay and you are mormon?

I was asked if I could talk to a Mormon dad dealing with this news from his son. This was my long text reply of Yes, I would talk to him.  I am adding it here because it may be helpful to others.

I have felt that I can be mormon in some ways but not fully. I found through my struggles that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is in the church but the church itself is not the gospel of christ but a man made program to help people progress to being better christlike people. If we stay focused on loving all and forgiving all then we are on the right path. You can be gay and christlike. Sexuality is not the key but how you love.

The gay culture can be selfish and base. Very un christ like. The decision is to be happy. God said that man is to have joy. Driving young men to suicide definitely is the wrong path, the road to continually promiscuity is not good either. I believe there is a middle road. The church likely will never accept anything less than abstinence but that puts the whole focus on sex. Relationships are not about sex. Relationships are bigger than the bedroom. Ask any straight guy staying married without sex why. Its about love.

I am a Mormon who knew I was gay at 8 yrs old. Never acted sexually with anyone till 25 and that was after a temple marriage and with wife. No contact with men till 35. I was an avid churchgoer, tithe paying mormon till 36. I am from a family of 8. My family now knows my orientation and I do not feel rejected but i don’t throw it in their face either.

I came to terms first I had to love me. We are taught god loves us but when you do not love yourself. You cannot process that a god or anyone can love you. Until we can accept ourselves we will dip into self demeaning behavior, hate ourselves and risk never finding acceptance. No amount of abstinence fixes the self loathing. It is aggravated by the church and its people. That is why we pull away from it.

Everyone needs love, intimacy. It is a basic human need. Deprivation is not good for anyone.  I am not the fairy gay dad but the guy who can attend church and blend in and know the gospel well, the people and the culture well. I think it may help to chat.

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