Divorced now. I been on my own as a half time father for 13 months. I have the kids half time, I rarely speak to their mother who lives not far away. I have never stepped foot in her home nor do I welcome her in mine. I only salvaged the family house after the wife got it wholly to sell by paying her 10K more than what she would have gotten in the offer she was about to take on the house.
I have preserved as much of normalcy as I could. My house preserved the kids friends, school and they are here every day after school even if I am gone on a work trip. The house is about as clean as when I left if on trips. I no longer come home to a disaster and kids telling me how they just cleaned the house for mom. You would think 2 teens and a young adult in a house alone for 2 weeks would be a mess but I have great kids who are responsible. I am thankful every day no longer be married now that I made it this far. It almost killed me to go through this. I even recently was told by of of my Ex’s friends how my ex would invite her kids over the weekend before I returned on trips. She had them help clean the house for her (without compensation) with my kids. Her kids did not want to visit because they were made to clean for her. Not a model home mind you, lived in is OK. Just not filthy and trash and dishes everywhere. Divorce has been so nice to not have a messy wife.
I have tried to date and the hurt is regularly reinforced, that to most women, mens only value is to be either a cock or a wallet for their consumption. I have given up looking for a relationship. Sticking with the concept of only friends and maybe something may come of a friendship. I am tired of being pigeon holed into calling someone a Boyfriend in a relationship to meet the highly needy women out there who want to ensnare me for their security.
Previously as of 2/27/2016
As a Mormon raised father of 4 kids facing divorce. I plan on writing my random thoughts. I have worked tirelessly for my family, always putting myself last and everyone else’s needs first. I have asked for little. I have faced lots of financial challenges and have provided very well with nothing but a 2 yr degree. I am a self taught computer programmer that has despite early encouragement from my wife to drop out of school to be with her made a good living.
I was frustrated by the inequalities of my relationship. I could find enjoyment in any task I had to do from work, yard work, fixer upper house projects, home caning, child care. My wife however seemed to see every task as a chore, always seeking time away from children and chores to delve into her own private projects which were art oriented. Now though I appreciate the arts, her productivity was exceptionally low at producing and completed projects. Shopping to start a project was her real strong point.
It was this point of work where the relationship began to fail. I am a workaholic and that includes housework, yard work and clientwork. My wife was jealous of my “free time” which she claimed was my work at home (yard and fixing up the fixer upper house). She wanted equal amount of free time away from kids and monetary resources for her hobby as I spent time and money wise on fixing up the yard of a 30,000 sq ft corner lot in the Portland Oregon area. This escalated one day to a really big fight which turned the tide of our marriage. To be told that she deserved as much free time and money as was spent ton the yard for herself of which was a lot since the yard had recently under went a transformation from a landscapeless lot of trees to a functional wonderland for kids to play, home garden. Never did my wife dislike the yard, she loved the yard immensely created, she participated in planning and shopping of the plants, rarely helping except to shop at the nursery.
Yet on the day of this fight she declared how she felt deserving of spending a lot of money on scrap booking supplies. Not once but regularly. She was good at shopping for the items to create her dream books. It has been about 13 years since and there is only 1 scrapbook of which no one knows where it is kept. The children do not see it though I have continued to be the main picture taker and organizer of 10,000 plus photos, all organized, available for kids to download. They are all tagged by child and displayed as screen savers on all computers and tv’s. I have managed this in addition to providing the living resources of this family single handed.
That argument was the turning point of the marriage falling apart. I look back saddened by the revelation of attitudes and how it nearly broke my spirit to work hard. The yard after that was minimally maintained and plans to leave that house to move to a better community for the kids school was put into place. I do not ever wish to return or ever wished I had stayed at that Oregon home. My wife however has always wished she had stayed and I believe also was her turning point in the marriage. It was when she began to think of planning her exit.